Reapers Tip #5 Reapers Fashion Tips

Okay, as for my last post I gave you cleaning tips. Well, since the Urban Squatch who wears a brown UPS uniform because quote ‘the ladies love a man in uniform’ tried to tell me my new clothing style is ridiculous and that I should burn them. Well, that’s painful mister Squatch. But, if you want advice here it is. 

 

————————–TIP #5: Fashion Advice——————————

Okay, so here it is. Wear lots of black. It’s slimming, hides stains, and it goes with everything! Hoodies are always cool, no matter what time of year it is.

Get a belt with lots of pouches, functional, you can look like a Kangaroo, plus plenty of places to store things such as Cell Phones or souls… 

Boots and jeans, no jean shorts if your a guy. Or a skeleton. Face facts, if you have hair or just bones on your legs, then is it really a great idea to go running around in Daisy Dukes? No, the answer is no. Good god, no. Thank god I can’t find that picture from Spring Break… 

Now, the one thing I like to do for jobs in the busy season, I LOVE wearing an ice cream man uniform. It gives people a sense of security, and lightens the mood. Plus… All the ice cream you want. WHOO! 

 

Now, as you know I’m not exactly a male model, but hey! My advice is great, and you can’t say otherwise. Says you… Stop talking Squatch, you have no reason to make fun of my style. Mister ‘Brown is the new crimson’

 

I’m the Reaper, I survive it fashionably so you can too! Keep on rocking.

Reapers Tip #3 (VALENTINES DAY EDITION!)

Ah, Valentines day. The day when St. Valentine was brutally clubbed to death. Isn’t it beautiful? Wait, how is that even close to beautiful?! So many people celebrate Valentines day as a day of love, but the only thing I can even find that the day even has to do with love, is that it was common belief that the fourteenth day of February was the day birds chose their mates. So why is it Saint Valentines day? Well, the fourteenth was the day he was executed. I suppose that’s why we celebrate it.  Reaper Tips Valentines day

Now, as for the tip, as you know, I’m a supernatural Survivologist. The 7th most trusted on the interwebs as of… New Years day. I’m not a holiday analyst. Though I hear that pays well, do you think I’d be good at it? Reaply in the comments below.

Now, this Valentines day lands on a full moon. Which could mean all sorts of supernatural baddies out there. For instance, Moon Elves. This one doesn’t seem so bad, but you never know with bloodsuckers. And of course the two most obvious… Werewolves and Anti-Cupid. So, on a night like that, what else could go wrong?! I’ll tell you what, Necromancers. Death Wizards raising Saint Valentine from the grave. Now, your probably thinking ‘Why would Necromancers try to raise a dead saint?’ Probably for heck of it. To Necromancers, breaking the veil on a full moon is fun! So, this Valentines day, I warn you. Just don’t go out February 14th. Stay in, have a nice home cooked dinner, sit in front of the TV and watch ‘Rom-Coms’ with your significant other.  Hell, it’ll probably be too cold to go out anyway. Have a good Valentines day my friends!

I am the Reaper, I survive it so you can too!

Reapers Tip: #1

Ugh, what a week… First off, I’d like to just say this. I had absolutely NOTHING to do with Seth Greetings court date. Yes, I know how it looks… But, I am an huge supporter of Seth as a matter of fact. So, I would never do this to him.

Without further ado, I give you the first true Reaper Tip!

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Lava Nymph warning: How to survive a Lava Nymph?

Today, the Kilauea Volcano went into a Volcano watch. This Volcano located in Hawaii —–>  Image

Is the worlds most active Volcano. Most volcanoes die out pretty soon after erupting once, so this brings me to the question… Is this a supernatural hotspot? Hawaii as you may know, has an extremely large supernatural community. What with the Tiki’s, and the old Hawaiian gods, you can hardly walk 2 steps without hitting something! So what makes this Volcano special? Nymphs. Controllers of nature, and ancient guardians of nature. I.E The Killauea Volcano. So, how do you survive a Lava Nymph? Well very simply actually. You try to talk to them, see if anything is bugging them, and if something is, help them with that. It should appease them somewhat. Well, unless it involves human sacrifice in which case DO NOT do it. The Reapers Tips ™ does not condone human sacrifice. Even if it is to appease an angry volcano god. 

If you don’t want to help them out, and/or can’t, I suggest running. As I said, this is very simple. Nymphs are not very complex creatures. They really just want to protect nature at all costs. So, whether your in Hawaii or anywhere else in the world, Or outside of it as the case may be. Just follow these tips and you will survive most Nymph attacks. With full Reaper guarentee!

The reaper is not responsible for any lost lives using this tips, if you have a problem take it up with the High Council.