Florida Man Run Over By His Own Truck

Strange news from Gainesville, Florida this week. 48 Year-old Joseph Carl has been drinking and drove into a vehicle this week. Naturally, I was the first on the scene. He threw the car into park, and when the frightened woman fled the scene, the truck somehow began to move without him noticing. Now, after I reaped his soul, Mr. Carl had this to say.

“What’s it to you boney? I was just about to go kick the crap out of that lady for stopping short. Had you not shown up…” He stated. “The lady did wave her hand at me however, and the fact that my truck moved just after that is slightly suspicious.”

Was this the work of a Witch, a Demon, or a Djinn?

Now, seeing as this case struck me as odd, I did some investigating in the Reaper Files.Only 3 beings known to them could possibly have done this. A Djinn, a Witch, or a Demon.

Facts supporting these: Each have a form of magic which could easily force his truck out of park.

Facts Supporting Demons and Witches: They tend to be vengeful, last time you got a fenderbender, didn’t you want to just blast someone to death?

Facts Supporting a Jinn: Admittedly, this is a bit of a stretch. They would have the same reason as a witch or a demon, but the issue is most Jinn were trapped in household items long ago. Perhaps a Jinn master.

Until this is figured out, I ask all survivors in the Florida area to be on the lookout for these creatures.


That’s right, today we are talking about Genies. Don’t be fooled by the nice Djinn that are in Disney films, these are the real deal. A trickster, sure, they will warp reality to make sure you don’t escape and remain happy enough to stay, but a Djinn? the rundown on what they will do. They twist your words to make sure you either, don’t get what you want, or you meet me or one of my brothers. I hope neither, but hey, if you ever do meet a Djinn. Here are some helpful tips:

1. Be careful what you wish for. This I cannot stress enough, say you wish for a sub sandwich. What are you gonna get? I’ll tell you what it will be. A witch in the desert in a submarine. Now, you might be thinking: Reaper, Witches don’t like water. Why would one be in a submarine? I’m sorry to tell you this, but truth is, it has never been proven Witches melt when water is put on them. And if that is true, Djinn are wily enough, and just mean enough to make it happen. Bottom line, don’t rub a mysterious gravy boat this thanksgiving. Or we might just have the turkey zombie apocalypse. Delicious with gravy, but might not be the best thing for other people. 

————————————————————-IF YOU ARE THE DJINN——————————————————–

Don’t worry about your name rhyming with a condiment, at least your not Mayonnaise right?

Not saying you wouldn’t be good on sandwiches. But, I wouldn’t try it.

So, if you didn’t leave halfway through my corny jokes, hope you keep on rocking!

But really, don’t even touch the gravy boat this thanksgiving…