Haunted Selfies?

I should get onto the article, but first. Let me take a selfie

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Reapers and Supernaturalists all over the world are asking themselves one question… Should I take a selfie? Andrea Dawn of Cincinnati posted a photo of herself on Facebook yesterday. The photo has since gone viral. Now what we should all ask ourselves is. Is it safe to take selfies?

Researchers show that 99.9% of all recent death victims took a selfie at least once in their lifetime. So of course it’s not safe! Stop putting your face out on the Internet! But as for wondering if photobombing phantasms are truly a threat? Not really. Ghosts are usually unphotogenic tending to stay out of the limelight. Even destroying photographic proof of their existence or trying to scare off pesky paparazzo. This new breed seems to be peaceful as far, but you know what they always say. Better safe than sorry. Remember to check out Seth Greenings ghost survival tips You’re safety is 99.9% confirmed.

I am the Reaper! I survive it so you can too! But first, let me take a selfie!

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Florida Man Run Over By His Own Truck

Strange news from Gainesville, Florida this week. 48 Year-old Joseph Carl has been drinking and drove into a vehicle this week. Naturally, I was the first on the scene. He threw the car into park, and when the frightened woman fled the scene, the truck somehow began to move without him noticing. Now, after I reaped his soul, Mr. Carl had this to say.

“What’s it to you boney? I was just about to go kick the crap out of that lady for stopping short. Had you not shown up…” He stated. “The lady did wave her hand at me however, and the fact that my truck moved just after that is slightly suspicious.”

Was this the work of a Witch, a Demon, or a Djinn?

Now, seeing as this case struck me as odd, I did some investigating in the Reaper Files.Only 3 beings known to them could possibly have done this. A Djinn, a Witch, or a Demon.

Facts supporting these: Each have a form of magic which could easily force his truck out of park.

Facts Supporting Demons and Witches: They tend to be vengeful, last time you got a fenderbender, didn’t you want to just blast someone to death?

Facts Supporting a Jinn: Admittedly, this is a bit of a stretch. They would have the same reason as a witch or a demon, but the issue is most Jinn were trapped in household items long ago. Perhaps a Jinn master.

Until this is figured out, I ask all survivors in the Florida area to be on the lookout for these creatures.

Reapers Tip #4 Jormungandr cleaning tips

For those of you, like me. Were out on the water last night, and this morning. Trying to slay the Midgard serpent. Well, if you like me, did find the Midgard serpent, only to get eaten and having to slay it inside out. Ugh… So, anyway. Here’s some advice on getting stains out of your t-shirt! Or robes as the case may be. 

1. Try using Spray Nine, it’s widely used for survivors everywhere. But don’t use it if you are undead. It kills 99.9% of all evil undead particles. As guaranteed by Seth Greening.

2. Peanut Butter. Tastes great, and comes right out in the wash!

3. Get new clothes. Let’s face facts here, unless you like stomach acid on your shoes and t-shirts? Then your gonna have the obvious issue of smelling it every single day… So, be for real here. BURN THE CLOTHES! Maybe even get cooler clothes. LIKE ME! Image

Lame… SQUATCH GET OFF MY COMPUTER! 

Sorry, anyway. I promised it, and here it is. What Odin said to Baldur is unknown, but those who still wish to read the poem, here it is. Then Odin mounted the pyre. On Balder’s breast

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he laid the gold ring Draupner, and bending low he whispered in Balder’s ear. . . .

From that hour have gods and men wondered what said Odin in his son’s ear.

When Odin whispered
In Balder’s ear,
Nor god nor man
Was nigh to hear.

What Odin whispered,
Bending low,
No man knoweth
Or e’er shall know.

In silence Odin returned to the shore, and then Thor consecrated the pyre with his hammer. A dwarf named Littur, who ran past him, he kicked into the boat, where he was burned with Balder.

So ended the ceremony of grief, and the torch was placed to the pyre. High as heaven leapt the flames, and the faces of the gods were made ruddy in the glow. . . . Nanna cried aloud in grief, and her heart burst within her, and she fell dead upon the cold sea strand.

Seaward swept the burning ship. . . . The whole world sorrowed for Baldr

I am The Reaper, I survive it so you can too! Keep rocking.

Reaper of Fashion that is… DON’T MAKE ME HURT YOU URBAN SQUATCH! 

Reapers Tip #3 (VALENTINES DAY EDITION!)

Ah, Valentines day. The day when St. Valentine was brutally clubbed to death. Isn’t it beautiful? Wait, how is that even close to beautiful?! So many people celebrate Valentines day as a day of love, but the only thing I can even find that the day even has to do with love, is that it was common belief that the fourteenth day of February was the day birds chose their mates. So why is it Saint Valentines day? Well, the fourteenth was the day he was executed. I suppose that’s why we celebrate it.  Reaper Tips Valentines day

Now, as for the tip, as you know, I’m a supernatural Survivologist. The 7th most trusted on the interwebs as of… New Years day. I’m not a holiday analyst. Though I hear that pays well, do you think I’d be good at it? Reaply in the comments below.

Now, this Valentines day lands on a full moon. Which could mean all sorts of supernatural baddies out there. For instance, Moon Elves. This one doesn’t seem so bad, but you never know with bloodsuckers. And of course the two most obvious… Werewolves and Anti-Cupid. So, on a night like that, what else could go wrong?! I’ll tell you what, Necromancers. Death Wizards raising Saint Valentine from the grave. Now, your probably thinking ‘Why would Necromancers try to raise a dead saint?’ Probably for heck of it. To Necromancers, breaking the veil on a full moon is fun! So, this Valentines day, I warn you. Just don’t go out February 14th. Stay in, have a nice home cooked dinner, sit in front of the TV and watch ‘Rom-Coms’ with your significant other.  Hell, it’ll probably be too cold to go out anyway. Have a good Valentines day my friends!

I am the Reaper, I survive it so you can too!

Reapers Tips #2 Valentines Day Demon Warning

Cupid eh? Well, I thought since this is the month of love I’d give you some tips on that old god of love. Wait, demons? Are you serious? Dang, all right. So, it seems we have a high demon alert set for February 14 this year. I know, this is an odd week isn’t it? Between the Lava Nymphs, and the Giant Cannibal Rats, I’ve barely gotten any sleep! Let alone preparing for the court date of Seth Greening of Seth on SurvivalSpecial thanks to Agent RB for warning me of this grave injustice. So, without further ado, I give you Valentines Day survival tips! So, recently I was searching through my reaper archives, and found this painting of a cupid like creature. ————> Image

So what is it you might ask? It looks human, right? Besides the black angel wings of course. I’ll tell you what it is, it’s a fallen cupid. I’ve recently seen there are always an opposite to an emotion: Anger, Joy, Sadness, also Joy, Love, HATE. Which is the job of the Dark Cupid, it was meant to split love apart. Causing hate and malice, so how do you stop this creature of hate?

Public showings of affections do tend to sicken it, but that;s not a good idea because of a Halloween incident last yearIf you see this couple. please contact myself or Seth Greening. Still missing as of 2/5/14 

What other things can you do? Hang out in a rose garden, she is really allergic to roses. She won’t even be able to get close enough to shoot you with her hate arrow. So, long story short, where love is prominent, hate cannot touch you!

I am the Reaper, I survive it so you can too! Keep on rocking friends!

Reapers Tip: #1

Ugh, what a week… First off, I’d like to just say this. I had absolutely NOTHING to do with Seth Greetings court date. Yes, I know how it looks… But, I am an huge supporter of Seth as a matter of fact. So, I would never do this to him.

Without further ado, I give you the first true Reaper Tip!

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Lava Nymph warning: How to survive a Lava Nymph?

Today, the Kilauea Volcano went into a Volcano watch. This Volcano located in Hawaii —–>  Image

Is the worlds most active Volcano. Most volcanoes die out pretty soon after erupting once, so this brings me to the question… Is this a supernatural hotspot? Hawaii as you may know, has an extremely large supernatural community. What with the Tiki’s, and the old Hawaiian gods, you can hardly walk 2 steps without hitting something! So what makes this Volcano special? Nymphs. Controllers of nature, and ancient guardians of nature. I.E The Killauea Volcano. So, how do you survive a Lava Nymph? Well very simply actually. You try to talk to them, see if anything is bugging them, and if something is, help them with that. It should appease them somewhat. Well, unless it involves human sacrifice in which case DO NOT do it. The Reapers Tips ™ does not condone human sacrifice. Even if it is to appease an angry volcano god. 

If you don’t want to help them out, and/or can’t, I suggest running. As I said, this is very simple. Nymphs are not very complex creatures. They really just want to protect nature at all costs. So, whether your in Hawaii or anywhere else in the world, Or outside of it as the case may be. Just follow these tips and you will survive most Nymph attacks. With full Reaper guarentee!

The reaper is not responsible for any lost lives using this tips, if you have a problem take it up with the High Council. 

Holiday Tips #1. Anti-Claus and Dark Christmas

Hey my followers, so I’ve been extremely busy recently. After my report on hellhounds, I was hunted down by a whole horde of demons. After that, I had to do some planes walking. And now I’m being chased by even more demons, but enough about that. I’m not too worried.

No, not Black Friday. (Although, do be careful that day.)  You may not know this, but the Yuletide is ridden with supernatural forces, and creatures who break into your house. So, I’m going to list a few ways to help you survive the holidays! That is of course, if you don’t mind warding off the Grinch(s). To name one, Anti-Claus. Now, there is a demon known as Krampus. However, he is only the enforcer of the “Naughty List”. The true Anti-Claus, is much worse. His name is Claude Claus. Delivering gifts to evil adults and kids on Dark Christmas Eve is but one small part of the Anti-Clauses life.  He travels about in a black sleigh powered by 8 flying hell hounds with one Manticore leading the unholy pack. Dark Christmas begins on December 26th, and is a killer. So, how would you go about surviving such a strange holiday? (Or celebrating depending on who you are.) Here are the tips you need for the season.

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1. Grab as many Christmas things you can find, break out all the stops. Poinsettia, Holly, and Mistletoe. The Anti-Claus will not bother you if you have those.

2. Contact Santa Claus. It seems that only one thing can actually kill the Anti-Claus, is his brother Nick. So, if you actually need to contact Santa, I suggest this website. Should be able to help you. Reaper guaranteed, or your survival back. (Some restrictions do apply)

3.  Make sure you don’t go outside on neither Halloween, nor December 26th. Or Dark Christmas Day.

If you do all of this, you should survive this, the Darkest Day of the year! That is besides Saint Patrick’s day.. Darn Leprachauns…

Keep on rocking followers! And have a Holly Jolly (but safe) Christmas!

Reaper