Unicorns, little girls fantasy, or healing horned horses of pure awesome?

th (5) So, you might be thinking. The Reaper? A death bringer, talking about Unicorns? I now wonder about his macho man status. Well, ladies I am still 100 percent pure macho man. No, Unicorns are pure sure, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t tough. I’ve had to reap a man or two for trying to touch that beautiful silvery mane. But, Unicorns are  a type of therianthrope like, Draconians, Were-cats, Werewolves, and all the weres. But unlike weres and certain draconians, 1) Unicorns are Healers. Sure, some light Draconians can heal but will they? 2) Unicorns are secretive and might spend most – if not all – their 700 or so year lifespan in human form. And if they don’t, well… Poachers, Horn Hunters, Sorcerers, and little girls. (Okay the last one might not be so bad to you, but imagine a Unicorns standpoint? Would you want to be touched by a little girl who might have spaghetti sauce on her hands? Didn’t think so.)

So, if worse comes to worse and you actually have to fight one of these wonderful creatures, here are some tips to keep you alive and well.

1. Don’t go for the horn. First of all, how would you like it if someone tried to rip your head off using like your ear? Probably wouldn’t would you. Second, that’s the number 1 most dangerous weapon a unicorn has. 

2. See if you can calm him/her down. As much as the unicorn may seem to want to kill you, it might just be scared, or even hurt. I suggest trying to rub it’s nose. (not in human form for gods sake not in human form.) And whisper to it softly. Again, no horn touch.

3. (This is a LAST resort.) If you have to end it, don’t use normal weapons. Magic is the only way to finish off a unicorn. Again, don’t do this unless absolutely necessary. But, I suggest going to your nearest lake, or other water source. And asking for a magic sword. Or maybe even a butter knife. No really, butter knifes have been known to cause trouble in the past. (http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-news/survivor-of-the-month-kzazrier-vetenari this Seth on Survival survivor was actually cursed by a butter knife.) So, get your magic weapon, and hope to see another day! 

——————————–If YOU are a unicorn————————-

First off, it is a true honor to have you grace our presence. 

Second, I love your race. Keep on rocking,  my horned brothers. 

And to the rest of you, keep on rocking, just be careful not to kill one of these wonderful creatures.



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